THE DEEPLY rooted fear of getting 'a puss in bag' (finding out that there is no sexual compatibility after marriage) is one reason why many partners arrive at the altar with intimate knowledge of each other.The possibility of getting a "raw deal" is a not unknown. As one 30-year-old Christian male (who wished not to be named), and has been married for four years said: "(Sexual fulfilment after marriage) depends upon what each partner in the relationship is willing to give. Some people do things as if they are obligated to do it. This is a problem in the church, especially among women who think it is something they should do, not something they should enjoy."
Expert in human sexuality, Dr. Heather Little-White, explains that for couples who wait for marriage, the man may find himself with a woman, or the woman with a man, whose socialisation taught that sex was dirty, or who feels that they cannot fulfil themselves sexually because of low self-esteem.
The consequences can be disturbing.
"As 1 Corinthians 7: vs 2-5 says, the husband should have sex with his wife regularly to prevent infidelity. Therefore, some women who complain about men straying should realise that they have a duty too," observed Dr. Little-White.
She said that the view by some women that sex should not be enjoyed in the context of a Christian marriage was far from the truth. "There is no need for kinky sex but, in the normal course of intimacy, there are needs to be met," she explained.
Dr. Little-White advised that couples with such problems should get counselling, as many good results have come from such a move. "It is just a matter of removing the feeling of intimidation within," she explained.
When such barriers to intimacy are removed, there is, apparently, nothing better than sex with one committed partner. As another 30-year-old Christian male (who refused to give his name) and has been married for three years said: "In my case I think I would say it is much more fulfilling. In terms of the physical experience, there might not be much of a difference, but psychologically you do not have to be considering unwanted pregnancies and contracting disease from someone who are not so sure about.
"There is also the feeling that this is the person you love. The experience involves the sharing of yourself with this person. It is much better than sharing with someone to whom you are not committed. The psychological aspects make the physical aspects better."
