DEAR PASTOR,
I am 18 years old and I am attending a very well-known high school. I want my mother to be proud of me. When I just started to attend high school, I met a guy who was attending the same school and we became social friends, then intimate friends. Things were going well until another girl who had just started to attend the school tried to separate us.
My boyfriend told me that the both of them were just good friends. The girl and I became close friends, so she told me everything that happened between my boyfriend and her. So I went back to my boyfriend and he tried to deny it at first. However, when I told him what she said he was very surprised. Then he admitted that he had sex with the girl on a desk at school. He said he did so because I did not want to have sex with him. I was very shocked.
When we became friends I told him that he would have to wait until we are married because I am a Christian. And if he did not want to wait, he could go. He thought that I was going to leave him, so he tried to kill himself. I love him very much. After the incident he apologized to me and like a fool, I accepted his apology. I thought he really meant it.
About a year after he went and had sex with another girl and I found out. I asked him about it and he tried to lie. He admitted that he had sex with another girl. I found myself still loving him.
One day I went to buy some lunch and a girl in front of me asked me if I was still in love with my boyfriend and I asked her why she was questioning me about that. She told me that he has a baby mother. I told her that she was making a mistake. When I went home I called him and told him what had happened. I did not believe what the girl had said because he had just left high school. I was very suspicious.
Another day a close friend of his called me. I was very surprised because I have never spoken to this lady. She, too, asked me if the guy and I were still in love with each other. She wanted to know if I knew his baby mother. I told her no. She said about a week ago, he told her that he was going to check his baby mother. And she told him that he shouldn't have done that because he just left high school.
I believed this woman because she is a big woman and she is married. She would not lie. Please tell me what to do. Give me your fatherly advice. I cannot talk to my mother and my father has disowned me. I want other girls to beware of this type of man. I think I am a fool.
C.B., St. Catherine
Dear C.B.,
I can assure you, you are not a fool. If you were careless, this guy would have gotten you pregnant too.
You are a wise girl and you should drop him as hot bread. You should not have anything to do with him. He is not a good young man. He is behaving as a wild ram goat. He is out of control. He does not respect women. And these girls who are having sex with him anywhere, don't respect themselves. Why should a girl have sex with a young man in the school room on a desk? That is shameful.
Where will this young man get money to support a child? I want to encourage you to move on with your life. Go to your church and serve God. You would have lost nothing by giving up this young man. Set high goals and try to reach these goals.
It is unfortunate that you cannot reason with your mother. Perhaps she has limited education, but I want to encourage you to do your best to make her very proud of you. Make good use of your time. The Good Lord will help you if you put your confidence in Him. One of these days when the time is right, God may grant you a good man.Pastor
