Dear Pastor,
I am 20 years old, but very soon I will be 21. I am writing this letter with tears in my eyes. I am going through a very difficult time. I believe that stress is going to kill me.
I grew up with my grandmother and other relatives. While I was living there, I used to get a lot of heavy beating in my head. I hardly went went to school. Some of the times for months I did not attend school. I had to stay home, carry water, go to the field, carry ground provisions and look for firewood, so I did not learn a lot during that time.
After leaving school I went to live with my mother and sister and I started to attend a comprehensive high school. I attended school every day. I never missed a day, rain or shine. I started to learn a little. I did very well in my school work. I only spent two years at that school. After I graduated I attended evening classes. I prepared to take two CXC subjects and one GCE. I studied very hard for my examinations, but when the day came I was so very nervous in the examination room that I couldn't remember what I studied. I failed all three subjects.
My parents blamed me for failing. They said I have man on my head and that is why I failed my examinations. That was not true. I don't know if my brain is damaged. Sometimes I feel a little giddy. Whenever I remember my past life I cry. My mother did not show me any love. I am tired of my mother telling me is pure man I have on my head. I am not a bad girl and I do not run around with men.
I really want to learn a skill, but I do not have any education. I feel left out. I am unhappy. I do not have anybody to advise me that is why I am turning to you. I am tired of crying out for help, but no one sees me. Please pray for me and tell me what to do before I go crazy.
N.,
St. Catherine
Dear N,
What you are saying is that you were physically abused when you were growing up and living at your grandparents. That was most unfortunate. However, I want to encourage you to forgive your grandparents. They did not know better. They did not realise that they were abusing you. They did those things out of ignorance.
If you do not forgive them, the process of healing in your life will be slower, or may not take place at all.
I want to encourage you not to give up. You have ambition. You want an education, a skill. You want to be independent, you are trying. You are going to be successful, I guarantee you that. But it will only happen if you come to realise that failure is not always bad. Sometimes we fail because we are over confident or because we have not prepared well. You had a poor academic background so you needed some extra help.
I am going to suggest that you try and find someone who can help you, perhaps on Saturdays, with the subjects that are difficult. Perhaps all the subjects are difficult for you right now. But I repeat, do not give up. If you are determined you will pass them eventually. Listen, you can set some goals and work toward them.
Your mother might be overbearing, but do not let what she says get you down. Tell her that you want to go back to school.
Another thing I want to tell you is that you should find a church and become active in their youth group. Learn to socialise with your own age group. Share with the other young people. Play games with them and you will find that your perspective in life will change. Don't be afraid to talk to your minister or his wife about the things that are affecting you. They will give you advice.
Pastor.
